I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
