There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is not my ceiling
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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