all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
