yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
