I just threw up on my dentist
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
