If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
