and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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