I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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