Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
