Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
