Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
