glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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