maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
