At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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