you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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