We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
