The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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