she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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