Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
