The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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