I smell stomach acid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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