And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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