We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
