new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
