Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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