Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
