whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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