Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just invented taco cereal.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
40s are totally the cure
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
