Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
