The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
