Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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