I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
