I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
