she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
