How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
