just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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