Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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