whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
