That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you didnt know i had herpes?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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