you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
