How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
