What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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