last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
