I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
