So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
