yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
