So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
