Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
