you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
