she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
